Angel in disguise

A while back, when I was still a devoted church goer, I used to read the Bible like a romance novel. I'm serious. I read it thoroughly from Genesis to Revelation. But the more I read, the more questions I gathered. I had no one to discuss the bible with me. All my friends are born and bred believer. They don't have an ounce of doubt in them. So, every time I voice a question they can't answer, they would say 'Just believe' or 'Have faith". How can I just believe blindly? I mean, what is faith, anyway?

I remembered I attended a church seminar once, and a speaker named Jude said something that really strikes me to the heart. He said, "Love without experience, how can you survived?".

And here I am, dying to experience. You don't think I want to believe? You have no idea how much I want to believe. If only there's a manual to believe, I would have mastered them by now.

Eventually, over time, all those unanswered questions turn to doubts. It's easier to doubt than to wait. Here's one of the Bible passage that puzzled me for a long time.

Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Matthew 22 : 29-30

By the way, I already understand and solve the above puzzle. How? I found Brian L. Weiss book, Many Lives, Many Masters.

Yoga and me

I finally gave it a try.

The real one. Not the one on Wii.

Yes, I did it. And yes, I was amazing.

I did it all on my own. No teacher helping and I did not pay for any class. I just read some books and watch a few videos. It's all free. And just like that.. BAM.. there I was with my palms together, fingers pointing to the sky, right foot perched on my the side of my left knee, and of course my eyes were closed the entire time. Yes, I was so cool. But that was not what I want to write about today. Not that my 'awesome-ness' wasn't worth mentioning. I just got carried away a little bit.

Anyway, the year is about to end and I thought that it's time to put some action to some of the things I had on my 'to do list'. I got the yoga video from the internet. I downloaded it from the torrent website. Not that I'm too stingy to spend some on yoga class but I'm not just gonna dance into some class without knowing what I was getting into. The pictures might worth a thousand words but they are also often unreliable. In fact, they lie a lot. So back to the yoga video. I typed words like 'yoga', 'beginners', in the search tab. Found a few and downloaded a few. 5:30 pm at my house, I put on a sports bra and a boxer panty, cleared the living room, put the yoga video in a thumb drive and plugged it on the tv, and start watching porn.

...

....

.....

.......

..??

Yes, you got that right. Porn. I downloaded 'that yoga video' instead of the real thing. BY MISTAKE.

The problem is that there were more people seeding the x-rated stuff instead of the real yoga. And some of the video title can be very misleading. Some even appear innocent and intriguing at the same time. For instance, I downloaded a video titled 'Yoga Undressed - The Beginner Practice'. How should I know that the word 'undressed' literally means undressed? I took it as 'unveiled' or 'exposed' or 'to be discovered'. Get what I mean?

Anyway, I was home alone when I pressed play. Lucky, right? Moral of the story is, you'll never know when life's gonna throw you apples. So, always be on the look out.

The story about me being amazing at yoga, you didn't really bought that, didn't you? I can't even bend over and touch my toes. I suck at yoga.

Yoga is serious business. No kidding.

An Idiot Abroad

I watched the re-runs of the show An Idiot Abroad Season 1 yesterday. It's so funny that i had to jot down what his thought on the Christ the Reedemer in Brazil.

I sorta think from a distance..Jesus, top of a hill, lookin’ like he’s about to bungee jump. You pass it, you go: 'Great, there he is, what else are we doing?'

My gosh. Never in million years i would thought that the word Jesus and bungee jump would make a sentence.

Karl Pilkington have just made my day.

Off the grid

In the last few days, my phone went into coma. There's little i can do but to restore and update the phone. You know how fussy Apple can be. The whole process takes roughly about 4 - 5 hours. Depending on how good the internet to you. I'm using office's internet, so you can probably imagine how that sucks, thus, the reason why i've been missing for 4 days.

Life without smart phone. I tell you, the first 2 days is the most difficult one. I was dumbstruck, not knowing what to do with my free time. Watching TV was not even fun. The more i tried to be patience, the angrier i became. That night i went to bed early.

The 3rd day went by and my phone still not fixed. I thought the world might as well end that day cause i already starting to feel hopeless. For whatever reason, it was beyond me. Believe me, the thought of getting a new phone does crossed my mind. I have 5k cash with me that day so it was tempting. But the new blank and empty iphone 5 doesn't stand a chance with my old iphone 4. It was an easy win. So that night, i went to bed with Haruki Murakami.

The 4th day. I was beginning to enjoy the fact that i am a phone-less person. I realised that for the first time in a long time, there were no annoying beeping sound followed by text message such as "can you help me..", or "can you check..", "can you do..", basically all the "can you.." message. It felt so liberating! I was out of reach and no one can bother me.

I kind of miss the old days, you know. Where when a favor is required, people actually come and knock at your door to ask for it. For me, that shows respect and appreciation. Nowadays you literally just have to move your thumb a few times and things were done. Sure it may be just a simple and mindless favor, but there are other things were put on hold for yours to come through. In another words, that person took a fraction of his life and gave it to you.

Sorry. For went on and on about that. Just don't take things for granted. That makes me sad.

Anyway, my phone up and back today. So many things to catch up.

Crappy weather..

It has been raining whole day.

And currently i'm listening to Engelbert Humperdink.

All lyrics were like "Lonely table just for one.."

"They say you found somebody new.."

"There goes my only possession.."

"Please release me, let me go.."

I wonder if today will get any better than this.

Even Frankie feeling the blues.

Kicking still

4 days to 2013.

The world didn't come to an end on the 21st. That's a good news isn't it? On the 21st December itself, the first thing i did in the morning was to check out the news section. I'd say that i'm pretty amused with the array of news that day. But i must say that still, there's a tiny little bit of relief in me that day.

In my opinions, i think doomsday is inevitable. The only question is when. I don't know what is the significant of 21st December 2012, but in my view, the journey to the end has already began. Sooner or later the past with catch up. We will reap what we sow.

Nostradamus. Mayan. Hopi. Newton. Cayce. The Book of Revelation. They are no fools. To me, knowledge is power. The more you have it, the better you've prepared.

21 days to Doomsday

So, today is the last day of November. I'm sure all the other 7 billions homo sapiens are just curious as i am of what the month of December would bring. As for me, i don't really care whether the world is coming to an end in 21 days or not, i just want to see if the Mayans live up their reputations.

So, as i was summing up my achievements (let's be positive and called it achievement rather than a task done) this year, i come to realize that no matter how many deeds i have done or how much i earned or how far i have traveled, it still doesn't change me. Not even a tiny bit.

Look at me, i'm not any richer than i am in 2011, or any happier, or thinner, or even successful. It's still feels the same. Same old, same old. There's always something missing. Something is not satiated.

Travelling used to be challenging. Now it's more like a child play. I mean who travel over two thousand miles just to sit in a god-know-where-hotel room and read books all day? It's just a lame excuse of not wanting to be found.

It's passion that i'm lack of. How am i suppose to fix that?

Maybe next year i just need to concentrate on one goal. ONE goal only. So, that's it then. I'll only make one resolution for 2013. Hopefully that'll solve the problem.

Itchin'

I want to see the Jersey Boys one more time in Singapore.
It's bad isn't it? But i can't help it.

Decision is made

I have decided what i'm going to do with 2013. Instead of conquering the world, 2013 will be the year of saving money. I will try to save as much as i can. My goal is to save at least 1k every month. And if i were to commit such plan and invest my saving carefully, in my calculation by the end of 2016 i will have more than enough to board the luxury coach on Trans-Siberian Railway. Or i can pay off all my mortgage and be the grumpy 35 old woman who are debt free yet penniless.

So, grumpy, debt free and penniless it is.

2013

What's in 2013?
I don't have any plan reserved in 2013.
Maybe that because i'll die before 2013.
Maybe the Mayan is right. The world will end before 2013.
Aren't you curious a bit?

I give up..

planning my trip to Seoul.

I always hear people say that Tokyo's subway is one of the most complicated in the world. But hold on, have you seen Seoul's subway map? Seoul's maybe less colorful and less crowded than Tokyo's but if you looked at it a little longer, 5 seconds maybe, i'm sure migraine will hit you in no time.

Nowadays, you don't have to worry about not having to be able to read Koreans cause the map is readily translated into roman letters for your ease. But the thing about the translation is that they use too much vowels. Just by looking at their places name enough to make me go crossed eyes.

For example, Gwangheungchang, Gyeongbokgung, Bupyeongsamgeori, Gwangmyeongsageori, Gwanghwamun.

Do you see what i mean?

Omg!

I just bought ticket to Elton John concert in Perth.

Bad, bad, bad!

So bad!

Mr. is definitely going to kill me tonight.

Lazy Monday

It's not really a lazy Monday. I just don't know where i'm heading with this. I have an hour to kill before my dentist appointment, so lets talk. Have i told you that i hate dentist? I think majority of the world population hate them, right? I tried as much as possible to avoid dentist but today i will yield. It's time. I'm scheduled for teeth whitening. And that doesn't mean i will say goodbye to drinking coffee. Not a chance. Not i a million years i will give up coffee. I'm used to having 2 to 3 cups of coffee a day since i'm in my mother's womb. So, lets not talk about life without coffee.

Anyway, next week i will fly to Brisbane to see the Jersey Boys, so, yay! That will be the last shows for entertainment in my calendar for this year. Actually i'm hoping to get a ticket for Elton John's concert in Jakarta but it's all sold out. All i can hope for is a miracle to happen. But then, i would not dare to hope high. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, right?

And by the way, Shedding the Extra project will resume. This time it will be slightly different than last time. I will still be counting my calories intake, a little exercise (i bought a new sneakers for this purpose), and most importantly, i will implement the green organic drink into my diet. Yes, it is yucky. But a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do, right?

So..

I have been away for quite sometimes aren't i? Nothing happened. I just been busy. Yes, i was very busy these few weeks. Why? Because i finally handover my resignation letter last month. So, this month would be my last as an employee. Next month i would join a new group. The jobless. But i would be a bit different from the rest of them. Special, i would say. Cause i would be jobless and have nothing but mortgage hanging on my neck.

Why the stupid move, you say? Just cause. Don't look at me. It's all Neptune's doing. I have nothing to do with it. I'm innocent as a baby. I am, really!

I want to explain, if you care to listen. This may sound stupid but up until now, everything the astrology and fengshui predict of me were never wrong. Earlier this year when i read the astrology forecast that i might change my job and even move out of town in a sudden, i too, thought that the astrology has never been funnier. But that's the mystery of life. So during the last transit, i had a change of heart. Suddenly i felt so tired of my current job. I just want to stop doing what i do everyday. The more i tried to contain myself the more i hated my job. The more patient i become, the more disgusted i felt. From the moment the idea of resigning pop in my head, never once i looked at my job and saw Barney's Tea-Cup-Pig. So when my boss asked me of my reason, i told him that i'm just bored. I even exaggerated it a bit. I told him that i would die if i see myself doing the same thing for 10 more years.

So, here i am. About to be jobless. Not a cent of saving. Even if i did save something in the past, everything will be reset to zero cause i'm flying to Osaka tomorrow. A holiday, resignation, money, debts, all that are different things and can't be talked altogether, alright?

So now, what will i do?

Maybe it's time to launch the business project.

Anybody want to loan me money?

Kiss the rain

As i was listening to Sungha Jung playing to the song "Kiss The Rain" last night, i can feel that all the previous madness and tensions slowly start seeping away from me. And it is indeed.

This morning when i checked my astrology forecast, i found out that a new transit starts today.

An exciting transit, i hope.



Enjoy the music.

I have a plan..

for my self.

A plan to prosper. A plan to start new business.

The last time i start a clothing boutique for my mother, it went straight downhill the moment i washed my hands of it. And what did i say about it? Nothing. I know, i'm proud of myself. I'm getting better at controlling myself. Besides, what can i do? Unleash my anger to poor mom? I did consider that option but then i wont be able to forgive myself later.

And i think part of it was my fault. I was so in a hurry to free my hand that i just drop everything and leave. But can you blame me? In addition to the boutique, i also have to serve 2 construction companies, and occasional freelancing works which i cannot say no to. Not because the money is good but rather because it is an obligation to a job called friend.

I plan to start a clothing business AGAIN. Yup, again. But this time it's going to be different. In fact, everything is going to be done in a new way. Instead of selling clothes this time i'm going to make those clothes myself. I know, it's easier said than done. Even my mom think i was being ridiculous. But i'm not. I'm serious as hell. And i'm well aware that the path i plan to take is going to require quite a sacrifice from me. And i'm ready to do just that. So, for that reason, i'm going to let go of the construction business. And i'm not that stupid to quit that sudden. The process will be done in stages. It will probably take 3-6 months, or maybe even a year.

Construction is a good business. Provided you have the guts. I think it's the only business that gives you back 3 folds of your investment within the first month. But you heard what the wise man said, money isn't everything. It took me a while to understand that. Once i did, i realized i must change my way. So, construction for me, is not good for my soul. It's not doing any growth or fulfilling any purpose. When i first ventured into the arena, i thought to myself, "i can't change the world but at least i'm doing something good by building things for the public". How naive of me. After sometimes, when trust is earned, i became one of them, slowly the construction starts to shows its true nature and ugly face. A disgusting sight indeed. But i cannot do anything because i am a nobody. So that is how the idea of doing business on my own come to mind.

Am i scared? Of course i am. I'm more scared of this than dying. And i am even afraid to imagine the reactions i'm going to get later. My mother already told me it's ridiculous the minutes i told her my plan. I'm pretty sure that Mr. will say something like "stupid" or "doom". My friends and colleagues will probably use a nicer terms such as "risky" or "regret". My boss probably betting on the day i come crawling back in. My enemies, without a doubt, will be on their knees praying for my downfall. And family is the last place to look for encouragement.

All i need is someone to believe in me. So, i had no choice but to turn to astrology. And you know what did the astrology say? The planets will smile upon me! That is all i need to hear to drive me forward.

So, it is on!

Psychic me.

I have purchased quite a few readings  for myself recently. The question "why?" is not the point here. What i'm trying to say is, i'm always amused by the way the fortune teller trying to tell you of your flaws.

Luckily i'm not a clairvoyant cause word arranging is definitely not in my blood. If it was up to me, i would shoot straight to the point. Perhaps i would still make an effort to be nice but the end result wont be much different either. For example, "You are by nature are a gold digger so don't waste your time wh**ing around in this field you piece of s**t".

Check out what the fengshui read for me. And don't believe it for a second. Trust me, i'm no such thing.

Since when did i eat only whale? 

I eat sardines and anchovies too, you know!

The problem with Troubles

Hisashiburi !

It has been a while isn't it? I know. I'm aware of it myself.

It's not because i'm lazy. O, i wish it was laziness instead because if that is the case then i would know how to turn things around. But it's not. It is much worse than that.

Remember i told you about the transit? I was and i still am in the worst transit of my life. In the past few weeks of my life, i really felt like i was sailing through the unpredictable and merciless seas. Sometimes the waves was rather rough. Sometimes i had a clear view ahead. Sometimes fog appear in the middle of nowhere. To sum it up, my life was in a chaos.

This indeed is a bad time for me. All my vices were magnified ten folds. Even if the astrologer warned me in advanced not to overly do certain things, how can i go against something that already written? And to make it more interesting, it would also meant that i have to go against my nature.

Obsessive, impulsive, spendthrift, perceptive. Yes, i admit, all that is me. But it's not like it was my fault that i was born with that traits. I can't control how i am going to be. If it was up to me i would have picked all the Cinderella qualities instead. So, if you asked me, i say blame the moon, stars, sun and planets instead of me.  How should i know that the positioning of sky objects would affect my personalities?

And if you tell me it's what i get from Karma for behaving badly in my past life, then tell me what can i do to make things right? What have i done in my previous life that entitled me to a thousandths life repetition? Was i really evil then? Maybe i did kill an entire country population.

There were quite a few interesting things happened to me in the past few weeks. And i will tell you that someday. But not today.

Anyway, so i was thinking, yesterday, a bright idea suddenly flashed into my brain. Before flying to Hong Kong to catch up Il Divo's performance, why don't i make a stop in Singapore and watch the Wizard of Oz? I cannot apply leave from my work too many times in a month. But i think i can apply a longer leave. What do you think? Never mind about being impulsive and spendthrift for i have already accepted that fact about me and make peace with it.

Then it will be wickedly wicked!

Coincidence?

2012 Resolutions

Until a few days ago i have been worrying that i wont have enough time to myself to review 2011 and prepare for 2012. Now that all distractions warded off and i'm finally at ease, i can really sit down and prepare for next year battle.

Unlike 2011's resolutions, 2012's will be slightly different than the usual. I mean, there's been a change of course in direction. Instead of steering toward achievements, 2012 will be all about CONTENTMENT.

So, what i wish for myself in coming year?

1) Free of Debts

I want to live as a free man. I'm gonna strive to pay off all my debts. Then, cancel all credit cards but one. Take no loan. Buy no insurance. And save more. So that at the end of every month, i only have to pay utilities bill, food, and fuel for my car. Well, except for the house loan, i'll be owing nobody.

2) Organize My Will

Not that i have a lot to give away, but still i do have some. I have seen enough cases where families fell apart due to unassigned inheritances. I wont have that ugly scenes after i died. Besides, will preparation is not just about property and money. There's funeral instruction need to be sort out. As for me, after giving it a deep thought, i have decided to go for a cremation, and after that i wish for my ash to be scattered on the sea. Not because i'm terrified of the idea rotting underground, or that i'm sentimental, but rather because i don't want to have any attachment to my former vessel. Most importantly, i don't want people to look at my grave and be sad. It's okay to tear when you miss somebody. But to cry and felt sorry for the deceased is just sadly foolish. And i hates foolish people.

3) More Charity

Yeah, got to do that more. Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that i got one pure clean bleached pink heart, but it's just logic. You'll reap what you sow. There's no joking with Karma. And to make things scarier, the Payback equation is equipped with some weird conversion factor, which easily amplify the punishment. So, my advice is, rather than counting your blessings, why not start counting your good deeds instead?

4) No more Hatred

As i have told you before, i have a friend whom turned enemy to me in the past. Well, i hope that by the end of 2012 my hatred for her would be diminished. I have no idea of how i'm going to achieve that, because right now i'm nothing but a sleeping super-volcano. I haven't gone amok (yet), but from the surface you can already hear the rumbling sound from beneath, a little earthquakes here and there, and on some unfortunate days you might even see my wrath start emitting smokes. Even so, the good side of me still want to stop the imminent eruption for good. It's very tiring to be angry all the time. I want the good old days back.

5) Find Love

Cliche? Let's not define love. I still don't know what i'm searching for, but i had a feeling that i'll know when i get there. Right now, all i know is that i have this emptiness that needed to be filled. Don't we all have that? It's a pretty common thing. But i'm not just going to sit and wait for it to come to me. This time i will put tons of efforts in. A friend once told me that the reason for the empty feeling was because God's absent in my life. I don't know what to make of that. Let's just wait and see.

My New Year ritual would be just the same as the year before, that is to fall asleep before midnight and wake up noon the next day. So, yeah! I'm excited for tonight!

Happy New Year everyone.

Christmas and me

I was about to doze off just now when the calendar caught my eyes. Then it hit me. Christmas is actually on this Sunday. Which means Christmas is at the end of this week. And that is 2, err..no, 1 day from today. Yikes. Christmas is on the day after tomorrow!!!

I guess that explained the conversation i had with the cleaning lady this morning. And i thought she was just being weird.

But when i think about it, it is actually weird. I'm the only 'Christian' in the entire office, yet i'm always the one who stayed behind on Christmas. Not weird enough? How about the fact that every year without failing, my office will be decorated with glittering ornaments, blinking lights and Christmas tree with fake presents beneath, for the entire month of December? And not once i helped with the decoration. But maybe that's the thing with Christmas. It makes people happy and merry. Heck, even my office is merrier than my house.

As for me, just like last year, i'm gonna make a pass on Christmas. I'm not gonna use the "not in the mood for Christmas" excuse, cause that's just lame. The mood is always there. It just need to be stirred by something.

Mine is an entirely different case. The fire is dead. It's too late that it can't be saved anymore.

Soon, we'll be like strangers, Christmas and me.