A better person

I seriously in need of a retreat. Probably somewhere in the mountains. Hidden from civilization. Yeah, something like "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" situation. I read the book but didn't like it. It sounds to me like the author was talking to himself (in his head). I get what his trying to say. But clearly, when you read the book you'll feel that you are listening the author debating in his thoughts.

Anyway, what i'm trying to say is, i needed to get away. Anywhere but here. I'll even take the underworld if that's the only card left. I want to get better. I want to love myself. I want to start living for real. But i can't, because i'm stuck here.

I give up. I'm all beat up. There's nothing left the almighty could possibly take from me. I already hate myself and my life. I'm all bare. Do whatever you want. Experiments, if you fancy it!

Deep breath.

Okay. Now i'm officially crazy.

I'm angry at "something" for the consequences of my own actions. Maybe in some way beyond our comprehension, life is fair after all.

By the way, playing angry birds only makes me angrier.

Opiate and tonic..

I read Lisa Kleypas new novel Crystal Cove last night and finished it in one sitting. It was 3.40 am when i went to sleep. And as always, Lisa Klepas never let me down.

My favorite phrases in the book were like this;

"You," he whispered, "are my Solomon's mine, my uncharted empire. You are the only home I need to know, the only journey I want to take, the only treasure I would die to claim. You are exotic and familiar, opiate and tonic, hard conscience and sweet temptation."

I think i died for a minute last night.

Off the grid

In the last few days, my phone went into coma. There's little i can do but to restore and update the phone. You know how fussy Apple can be. The whole process takes roughly about 4 - 5 hours. Depending on how good the internet to you. I'm using office's internet, so you can probably imagine how that sucks, thus, the reason why i've been missing for 4 days.

Life without smart phone. I tell you, the first 2 days is the most difficult one. I was dumbstruck, not knowing what to do with my free time. Watching TV was not even fun. The more i tried to be patience, the angrier i became. That night i went to bed early.

The 3rd day went by and my phone still not fixed. I thought the world might as well end that day cause i already starting to feel hopeless. For whatever reason, it was beyond me. Believe me, the thought of getting a new phone does crossed my mind. I have 5k cash with me that day so it was tempting. But the new blank and empty iphone 5 doesn't stand a chance with my old iphone 4. It was an easy win. So that night, i went to bed with Haruki Murakami.

The 4th day. I was beginning to enjoy the fact that i am a phone-less person. I realised that for the first time in a long time, there were no annoying beeping sound followed by text message such as "can you help me..", or "can you check..", "can you do..", basically all the "can you.." message. It felt so liberating! I was out of reach and no one can bother me.

I kind of miss the old days, you know. Where when a favor is required, people actually come and knock at your door to ask for it. For me, that shows respect and appreciation. Nowadays you literally just have to move your thumb a few times and things were done. Sure it may be just a simple and mindless favor, but there are other things were put on hold for yours to come through. In another words, that person took a fraction of his life and gave it to you.

Sorry. For went on and on about that. Just don't take things for granted. That makes me sad.

Anyway, my phone up and back today. So many things to catch up.

Stardust

Have you seen this video? It says that we're made of stardust. How beautiful is that?


Stardust from PostPanic on Vimeo.

I think i've just went to the space and back.