I left my own construction company. Not because it makes no money. Last year I only did 1 project and the money I made was more than my annual income as an engineer. The project lasted for 2 months at the beginning of the year. After that I hadn't take on anymore job. So I was being pretty useless for the rest of the year. And I wasn't being lazy either.
To think back at that time, I think I was depressed.
Ha. Ha.
When was I wasn't?
Ever?
I'm going to be honest (I just realized that I had nothing to lose by being honest). Starting this very moment, everything you are about to read is my essence. This is me baring my heart and soul to you. So please, be kind.
I hated my job. It wasn't honest. Money comes pouring in but I felt like I didn't earned it. I'm probably the weird one. It's not like I grew up with money. My father was a teacher and my mother a housewife. And with 4 other siblings, I think we were not that well off.
Who doesn't like money? I like money. I like spending it. Better than drugs, better that the finest chocolate. But it feel empty when you are spending money you feel you did not earned. I miss the feeling of gratitude.
Again, I'm probably just weird. Or lost.
You have no idea what a disappointment I became to my family. I can't tell how many times my mother told me that her life must have been cursed because I went from earning six figures a year to being useless.
I want to be happy. From now on, I only want to do things that make me happy. I asked her if she ever thought about suicide. She said no. What a weird thing to say, she added. Because I had, I said. Every day for the past 7 years. Now that I'm back in my mother's house, that thought never once crossed my mind.
By the way, I sold my my house and get rid of the mortgage. What a liberating feeling. With the little money I made from selling the house, I bought a small plot of land (quarter acre) and built a 10 ft x 12 ft tiny house.
It's not yet finished because I ran out of money. I did not have any saving when I ditch the company. So now I have to work to earn money. I will start selling used clothing next week at the flea market.
This time the money will taste sweet. And grateful.
