Relapse

I'm falling back to my old habits.

But before i dwell into that, i want to assure you that i am a good person (i think). I am nice. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke. I don't do crime. I rarely (almost never) tell lies. I give to charity (once awhile). The point is, i am nice.

Yet despite all the above Nobel-Prize worthy qualities, i actually do have some vices. And you only need to know one. The others are (almost) insignificant.

It's gambling.

Hi, my name is Angel and i'm addicted to gambling.

The thing about gambling is that it is never about the money. It is all about the winning. The feeling of satisfaction and triumph, you can't get it anywhere else. Not by skydiving nor drugs can imitate it. The exact words i used to describe the feeling of winning to my sister were;

"Remember the feeling you had when you first fell in love? Now times that to 10. I rather win lottery than falling in love"

It has been months since i last gamble. I was doing fine until this morning my friend told me that she has won 3 times in a row and had accumulated RM90k winning money. That my friend, is what a trigger look like.

Now i'm fired up!

Neruda madness

Finally, the long awaited book has arrived.

I told you i'm romantic at heart.

Never too late

After last week emotional breakdown, i think it is safe to say that i am finally okay. I don't know why i did what i did. Probably just the PMS messing around. That's why i always tell Mr that there will be times where i could be unbearable, so be well prepared.

Anyway, now that i'm back to my self, i'm thinking that i should start the 'shedding the extra' project again. Last time i did it, i became lazy and stop halfway. Therefore, i gained back half of the weight that i lost. Now, this year the feng shui is aiding me. It says that my health is excellent. That must be because i had success in getting rid off the extra weight, right?

My strategy will be the same as last time. It will be calories counting all over again. And of course some exercises in the equation as well. I don't want flabby skin but lean muscle.

Now, ever heard of 'starvation diet'? I actually started on this diet 2 days ago and have lost 3 lbs since. And i'm fully aware the danger of it. But i rather lose my life while i'm on the way to a healthier life than being stuck at where i am now. And if i don't do anything about it, i will still lose my life to weight related illness anyway. Don't tell me that there's a safer way to lose weight, cause there aren't. I know the ups and downs of this road. It's all about what you're putting in your mouth. I'm born and bred carnivore, so going green doesn't work for me. I rather starved than have to chew veggies everyday. So, case closed. I win.

Hopeless

I am beyond hope of saving. The feng shui said that this year my spirit essence and life force were inadequate. And i think i have proven that to be true. What is so good about being alive anyway?

Right now, i'm a walking booby trap.

I have purchased a ticket to the 'Dirty Dancing' shows, and in the end i decided that i'm just not in the mood of doing anything right now.

I lashed out on Mr just because his ringtone is so loud and annoying to me.

I 'unfriend' my mom on Facebook just because she failed to answer my telephone calls.

I, then closed my Facebook account because it irked me to death seeing all love quotes posted on my wall.

I'm really afraid what i might do next.

A year from now..

Source: justatitch.com via Amber-Rose on Pinterest

There are just so many things that i want to start today.