That's my friend's Skype status this morning.
Well, my thoughts, my feeling and my words are definitely not sitting in the same room. Mr. Thoughts and Mr. Feelings are sworn enemy, while Mr. Moutie Mouth is a world class back stabber. So in conclusion, i say that i'm not happy. But i'm not yet finish. I say, happiness must be when you become the ideal person whom others think you should be. Am i not right?
I wish death would come sooner. What's there to live if this life has no hope. Better finish this one course quickly and move on to the next, right? Funny thing is, i'm only 30 yet i feel like tomorrow would be my 120th.
Or, am i just this one of a kind insatiable creature? Yes, last time when i said i want to belong to someone, before the week's over i was already in a relationship. And now, all i want is, to be NOT in a relationship. I want to be alone and i want to belong to no one. I want to go to a cave and die there by myself.
And do you know what is the worst invention of all? Oh, it's not TV alright. It's family. Surprise? Yeah? Think about it. Only family will bring hell to you on earth. Why should you dive to the hell hole with the others when it's their choice to jump? It's not like you didn't told them NO, right? It always them who take you for granted, isn't it?
By the way, 2 of my brothers are going to jail tomorrow. For in possession of ice. Yeah, you heard that right. They could have appealed in the court by paying only fines. But then, they have mistaken the High Court for the courtyard in front of our house, so instead of arriving at the court at 8.30 am, they decided that the Judge should sit and wait for them and arrived at 10 am. So they were sentenced without them being there. And my mum text-ed me and ask me to perform miracles. I told her "what you want me to do?" When i'm working like a dog, they have the luxury to stay at home and smoke ice. When i was half hour early to office, they were an hour and half late to court. So what you want me to do? Would you be happy if i joined them in jail? I secretly would very much prefer life in jail than the life i'm living now. In jail i would have more time to meditate, reflect on my thoughts and to read books. Oh yes, i would love that. I love getting lost in those pages. And time shall be my friend instead of enemy. But then, when i'm gone, you don't think that money grow on trees, do you?
