Agnes Newton Keith

It's been a week since my last post. I have been busy lately. Not work busy. More like mind busy. Er, actually i don't think that's the correct words. It is more like that i have been absent minded, and i'm not even thinking of anything. Remember last time i told you that i am a boring person? Well, in the past few days, i have been indulging into the boringness. I spend hours just lying on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I turned on the tv but can't get my mind focused on the shows. Tried to read a book, but then the words quickly start blurring. And i seemed to enjoy the nothingness. Weird huh?

Nothing can be good as nothing - Agnes Newton Keith

But now i'm back on the track. I'm currently reading Agnes Newton Keith book "White Man Return" and i liked it so much! Why did i only found out about her now? After i finished this, i plan to read her 1st book called "Land Below the Wind". Yeah, i know. It's a shame the fact that i live in Borneo, specifically in Sabah, yet never once read Land Below the Wind.

One thing that strikes me when reading this book, is that, this place (Sabah) didn't changed much since 1934. I mean in terms of people attitude and their way of life. I am a Dusun, and Dusun is one of the many native tribes in Sabah. So, the way i see it, the world may be evolving, technologies advanced further, but human hardly changed.

Agnes described the aborigines of North Borneo as follow,

"At present the native of Borneo has no national concept, much less world concept, because he can't think that big; he doesn't know that he has a country because he can't see that far."

- So true! World Bank reported that Sabah is the poorest state in Malaysia. And the Government told us not to complain and should considered that we are lucky compared to China and India. And did we do anything about that? Sadly, no.

"In North Borneo there never has been and still is not a moneyed class among the natives; a man's wealth is in his personal possessions, and his dogs, pigs, buffalo, blowpipes, weapons, brass, and wives."

- Class? What class?

"The most unpopular law was one which aimed at making it compulsory for the natives to plant for enough rice to feed themselves, and to harvest and eat it, rather than drink it in the form of fermented, fiery rice wine."

- Just as you can never take away the sea from the shore, and so it is with the natives and their drinking. What is the purpose of earning, if at the end of the day you cannot drink, sing and laugh?

The way i think is a bit different than those around me. If you'd compared my lifestyle with the others, i hardly belong to the native. My brother say i'm quick to panic. I can't sit straight before i get all the job done. I always do things fast, and i expect the same from others. But my family, relatives and others around me, they do things in their own pace. They are seem not to be bothered by anything. Last time i was in Ranau, i went to this shop to buy a flip flop, i pick the thing and put it on the counter, and the cashiers just stood there chit chatting with each other. I remained calm, and hold my tongue. After a few minutes standing there feeling like an idiot, one of the cashier finally look at me and say, " You want to pay for that?" No, i just put these things on the counter so i'll have a reason to stand here and hear your chatting. I should have said that. After i went out, i exploded and poor mum had to listen to all my whining. But really, 90% of Ranau population occupied by native, and there, it seems like no one is (ever) in a hurry. I think if i stayed 1 more day in Ranau, i'm would lose my mind.

Anyway, i'm not saying that those around me are lazy. It's just maybe that they desire less things. To have live and laugh seems enough. My father used to say, "Why should i pay 150k for a car if i can get one at 10k? The purpose of a car is to get from Point A to Point B." He is one tough Dusun. Shiny things don't work on him.

As i say, as time goes by, the culture is withering, tribal dance's steps are forgotten, ancient song barely heard, traditional clothes are just costume, and yet, the attitude will never change. This is just natives being native.

I'm freaking out

Remember last time i told you that one of my new year resolution is to learn wave surfing? Well, i wish to withdraw that one. I do not wish to do that anymore. Turned out that i am actually terrified of the big vast ocean. This feeling started last January, on the New Year Day, when i went river swimming with my family. The one i told you that i think i forget how to swim? What happened actually, i was walking around this big block rock while holding onto it, the water level was around my chest, i was trying to get at the other side of the rock then suddenly i felt my foot no longer touching anything. One moment i was walking on something, next i was sinking in the bottomless. I panicked. And just as normal people would do in my situation, i struggled to swim. I didn't think, i just flip my legs and my arms until i touched the ground. When i stopped, the water was just 1 feet high. And my brother was looking at me and said "Did you just drowned?" O, it was embarrassing.

Swimming in shallow water. Kind of reminding me of my high school orientation week, when the seniors asked me to swim on the water ponding on the concrete slab. It was embarrassing, but i didn't hold any grudge towards my seniors. We had a good laugh afterwards. My friend had a tougher challenge, he was asked to stick onto the wall like a frog. He keep falling for a few times before he finally did it right. I laughed until my stomach hurt, just as he did while i was swimming on the floor.

Anyway, found these photos of wave surfing on internet. I thought if i saw these photos i would forget the fear of drowning. But it didn't. It just act like a catalyst, adding more fear. I started to have thoughts like, what if the big wave fall onto me? What if i drifted until i was in the middle of the sea? Of course i would try to swim for the shore but the wave will keep me from coming.

I wonder what is he thinking at that moment?

I know what this guy think, it must be, "i will make it through, hiyaarrgghhh!"

I bet a penguin surfer will come out from that anytime soon, Cody Maverick maybe?

I keep the above photo as my wallpaper. So every time i see it, my heart will beat faster, and i will know for sure that i am terrified of the sea.

I think i'm drunk

and it's only 10 past 9 am. I already drank half bottle of the red wine. Yes, i smuggled a bottle to work. Guilty as charged. But in my defense, i only drink when it's the time of the month. I need it to relief the period pain. In the past i used to take pain killer but now i seem to be immune to it. How i hate period pain. I can't wait to get menopause. And how sometimes i wish i was a guy, so i don't have to go through the same stomach cramps every month. But looking at the bright side,

1) i got reason to drink recklessly

2) Mr. B will be a lot nicer to me

3) i got something to whine about

Anyway, despite of the period pain, i'm actually a bit happy at the moment. Not sure whether it's the alcohol talking or the fact that i just got an iphone 4 today.. Ha! You heard that right. I now own an iphone 4. Should i get an award or something for this?

After debating for sometime whether iphone is a necessity, in the end i decided that i should just embraced the technology. You know, i haven't got a new a phone in 4 years. Actually i got a smart phone last year but ditched it after 1 week because turned out that i'm not smart enough to own one. I'm glad that i chose to use iphone. It's so easy to use. I even type message faster than before.

Now, i want to talk more of the phone, but right now, instead of a cat, the wine got my tongue. As you can see, i'm a good drunker. I don't get into fights, i don't boast, i don't puke, and i don't spill secret when i'm drunk. When you see my cheeks are turning red, then you'll know that i need to get a quick nap.

Okay, got to go now. It's getting hard to type the words correctly now. I keep hitting the 'backspace' button. Okay. Good day.