I cried watching episode 14 - Last Words of How I Met Your Mother. There was nothing funny about this episode, or funeral, at all. Those who have been there, knows. I have been there myself. And i should know that funeral is the darkest time of all, and the sun should be forbidden to shine on that day.
It strikes me that i never have any last words from my father. And the worst thing is that i couldn't even remember when is the last time i spoke to him. Do i have regrets? Yes, i have loads of them. There were things that i wanted to buy for him, places i wanted to show to him, and promises that i wanted to make up to him. Now, even in my dream i couldn't do all that. So what was holding me back then? Time. O, i do have all the time in the world but i was taking it for granted. I was too busy working for a living. You think engineers earn a lot? In my first job, even the security guard earned better than me. That's why my professor once told me that engineer is the shittiest profession in the world. You work like a dog, took all the bullets, and in the end of the month earn the pay just as that. So, i was hopping from one company to another, so that i can demand a higher salary. And just when things were started getting better, God the mastermind of all things that happened (including the war and famine), chose to take back that one insignificant little life that he once gave. What's there to consider before plucking someone's petty life when He had the war and famine to manage? Nothing. Basically what God do is like this; He gave the man a land to grow his favorite fruits, the man worked his life to grow the fruits, and when the fruits ripe enough to be harvest, God end the man life.
I'm sorry if i had made any of you out there angry or hurt by saying all those things about God. I didn't mean to mock God or your faith. I'm just expressing the thoughts inside my head. And if what i have done considered a sin then i'll be gladly to expect my punishment.
I'm angry too. I'm angry about both, if you ask. And i will never stop being angry until He explain to me. Not literally speaking. Just make me understand why. And i might just forgive.
