2015 Recap

Quit my job AGAIN.

I left my own construction company. Not because it makes no money. Last year I only did 1 project and the money I made was more than my annual income as an engineer. The project lasted for 2 months at the beginning of the year. After that I hadn't take on anymore job. So I was being pretty useless for the rest of the year. And I wasn't being lazy either.

To think back at that time, I think I was depressed.

Ha. Ha.

When was I wasn't?

Ever?

I'm going to be honest (I just realized that I had nothing to lose by being honest). Starting this very moment, everything you are about to read is my essence. This is me baring my heart and soul to you. So please, be kind.

I hated my job. It wasn't honest. Money comes pouring in but I felt like I didn't earned it. I'm probably the weird one. It's not like I grew up with money. My father was a teacher and my mother a housewife. And with 4 other siblings, I think we were not that well off.

Who doesn't like money? I like money. I like spending it. Better than drugs, better that the finest chocolate. But it feel empty when you are spending money you feel you did not earned. I miss the feeling of gratitude.

Again, I'm probably just weird. Or lost.

You have no idea what a disappointment I became to my family. I can't tell how many times my mother told me that her life must have been cursed because I went from earning six figures a year to being useless.

I want to be happy. From now on, I only want to do things that make me happy. I asked her if she ever thought about suicide. She said no. What a weird thing to say, she added. Because I had, I said. Every day for the past 7 years. Now that I'm back in my mother's house, that thought never once crossed my mind.

By the way, I sold my my house and get rid of the mortgage. What a liberating feeling. With the little money I made from selling the house, I bought a small plot of land (quarter acre) and built a 10 ft x 12 ft tiny house.




It's not yet finished because I ran out of money. I did not have any saving when I ditch the company. So now I have to work to earn money. I will start selling used clothing next week at the flea market.

This time the money will taste sweet. And grateful.

2015

Urmm... did 2015 just pass by?

Lol.

I know.

I'm gonna make it up to you.

Soon.

Very soon.

I hope.

Let's hope so.

Bye for now.

A fortune teller

Earlier this year, I met a fortune teller. He said our meeting was destiny. When he first introduce himself and tell me that he's there to read my fortune, I laughed. Not because I'm mocking him but because I never met a fortune teller before except the online tarot reader which I'm fully aware a computer. It was lunchtime so I thought why not let the poor guy entertain me and let me amuse myself.

So I started by asking "When will I die? I'm going to die before 40, aren't I?". He took one long look at my face and said on a serious tone "No, you're going to die at the age of 88". And just like that I stopped laughing.

Next, he asked me to write down my name, and i did. Then he said, "I'm a holy man, and I'm gonna make you believe in my power". And what happened next was he listed down all the thing about me by making some calculation from my name and he happened to be right about all of it. Bear in mind, until that moment I only provide him my full name and I didn't even bother to remember his.

This is what his list looked like;-
1. My birthday ( He is probably a computer hacker. Thus, he know my birthday and made a research about me before approaching me. But I never put my real birthday online. I even lied about my birthday on facebook. It shows who your true friends are.)
2. My mother's name (Again, he's a computer hacker)
3. My brothers and sister (Super genius hacker)
4. My favorite flower (Duh, I'm a statistic, cause I like rose)
5. My most challenging year (It's when my father passed away. He probably read my blog. I wonder if I ever wrote about that though)
6. My car plate no (He saw me earlier getting out from my car)
7. My savings in the bank (Again, he's a creepy computer hacker)
8. My money in my purse (This is hard to explain because I never know how much money I would have in my purse left. Even at this very moment, I never cared how much money left in my wallet. So I told him that I have no idea how much money I have right now. Then he asked me to count right there, in front of him. And the amount was the exact amount as he'd written down, $392.00. How creepy is that?)
9. My life problem at the moment (This was also tricky. I told him that I don't know what my life problem is. I have a lot so I don't know that to say. He said, "Just choose something". After giving a lot of thoughts I finally said "I'm not satisfied". And then he revealed what he wrote, just 2 words "NOT SATISFIDE". And yes, his spelling was wrong.)

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Of course, there were a few more questions. And of course he knew what my favorite colour, my favorite number, all the normal horoscope stuff. A warning to those who loves to have their fortune told, it's only fun until it get serious. Imagine if you have a secret so dark that you keep it locked so deep in your memory and never once you reminisce, only to have it discussed so openly in front of your face.

I've always considered myself to be a free person. Not chained by a past or secret. Or that's what I thought until I met the fortune teller from hell. He can read the past and future like a book, but apparently not my feelings. NO, I don't want to talk about the most shameful thing ever happened to me. And I don't care how can I get over it. I just don't want to know anything about it, ever. It was the longest one sided torturous conversation I ever had.

I don't even care the future prediction he done for me. All the time I wish for it to be over. And after a lengthy amount of time it was finally over. But not without being reminded of my problem at the end. He said, he'll pray for me to heal. And I paid $150 for his service. Before leaving he said that our path will cross again in the future.

Now, that is one fortune teller that I do not wish to cross path again.

Few days after meeting him, I got the feeling that he really did pray for me. Cause that night, for the first time ever, my mind was clear. And I slept like I've never slept before.

So, fancy a fortune reading? Think again.

Batman

Can I tell you a secret? I'm not Batman. I am a whistleblower. Not like Snodden tough. I'm not interested in politics or fighting a war or any of the hardcore we saw on TV's stuff. That's kind of calling is for a one of a kind man. Bigger calling for a great man. Like Snooden, indeed. What I did was gave up information about the ezploitation of protected animals. Mainly, Polinang. Yes, anagram that. So, the evil enterprise went down today. Believe me, such evil exists. Why I did what I did? I saw a Polinang's tears. If you ever seen one, you'll know that they are non-violent creature. They are shy and their diet consist of ants and termites. The other day, one was lost and wandered into my relative house. Knowing how much they worth my relative quickly catch it and put it in a cage. Everyone was excited, it's like they hit a jackpot. Most of them never seen one so close. So when the Polinang started crying, they became more excited. It's like seeing a rare event. They were taking photos and sending it to everyone they know, including me. That's how I got in the picture. I beg them to let it go. Even threatened them that bad things will happen if you do bad things to the poor animal. But I have better chance at winning a lottery than having them listen to me. All I got from speaking up was free insults. But it was worth a try though. I got laughed when I offered to buy it from them. The market price was ten folds than what I can afford. And apparently I was being 'even stupider' when I offered to pay in instalments. I was fighting a losing battle from the beginning. They already had a buyer. That's when I learned about the evil enterprise.

To this day, the Polinang's tears still haunt me. I felt that there's a lot I could have done to save it from being slaughtered. I could've sold my gold, my phone, or even steal it from them. But I was a coward so I made excuses to feed my conscience. At the end of the day, when the lights were out, I was on my warm bed sleeping with my skin on while the Polinang's not.

Rains

I just found out how to upload video from my phone. Yeah, i'm from the Ice Age, thanks. Anyway, it's the view from my office. I think the rain is beautiful. That's why i took the video.

Supermoon

I took a couple photos of the supermoon recently. Here's what i think my best shot.

Told you, i'm a romantic. 

By the way, the moon was definitely blinding that night.

Japan trip in April

I've been meaning to write this entry for a long time. But for some reason I kept on postponing. Anyway, the Japan trip was in April this year. 

This was literally what's in my bag. Pardon the granny panties. I travel light. Heck, i didn't even bother to bring camera. Therefore, all the photos here were taken only by my iphone.

Our first stop was Kyoto. 3 words. Plain, simple, boring.

The 4th trip to Japan, I finally made it to Ghibili Museum. Tickets were 'mission impossible' to get. They were almost like the urban legend. Impossible but still attainable.

Those who watched Laputa would definitely recognized this.

The 2nd day fell on my birthday. We went to Disneyland. All i can say is it was a wrong move. At least, it was for me. My sister was pretty excited. Well, i thought i'd be excited too but i don't. Probably because i grew up and all i saw was the monstrosity of capitalism and it's slaves.

Anyway, next we headed to Hiroshima. One thing that struck me about Hiroshima is that the people there are actually really REALLY nice.


A-bomb dome.

 Morning stroll in Hiroshima.

The next day we went to Osaka for the final leg in our journey. And the first thing we do once we arrived was to feast on..

...king crab!!! I'm allergic but it was worth it. To this day the grill crab still haunt my dreams.

 On our last day in Japan, i went to Tsurumi-ryokuji park. Alone. My sister prefer shopping than park strolling.

The park is so big that i have to stop a few times to relieve my feet and pretend on feeding the birds.

 Beautiful isn't it?

I almost believe that i was going through some enchanted forest. Like those in fairy tales.

 I tell you, Japanese does make the best park.

Updates

So last week I went to Il Divo concert in Genting Resort. The concert was okay, I guess. The guys were wonderful, but I'm still disappointed with the sound quality of the amphitheater. I'm not an audiophile, mind you. All I want is to enjoy live music with decent sound that's not trying to rip my eardrums out. I'm still beating myself for choosing the concert in Genting. I should have gone to the one in Jakarta.

Anyhow, overall the concert was still amazing.



Lea Salonga was equally amazing. I can understand why my friend was crazy about her.

On a different story, my ticket to Ghibili Museum has arrived this morning. This ticket is probably one of the most hardest to get. At least for me. It can only be bought in Japan and you have to get it 1 month before. Most dates, especially weekend are sold out. So I bought mine through Bridge.Jpn. It's a miracle that I could get ticket for Satuday slot.

I'm so excited. 3 more weeks until Japan!

Birdy

I've heard Skinny Love a long time ago but I never got to check out all her other songs though. Until now. Don't know whether it's the lyrics or just her voice but almost all her song brought me to tears. Maybe it's just the estrogen messing around. Or maybe it's the dark clouds over my head.

#MH370

Have you heard of the missing Malaysia Airlines plane yesterday? I haven't had a good sleep since yesterday. And I've been checking and refreshing my web browser for the latest news every 15 minutes. Not that I knew anyone on the flight. It just felt that it could've been me on that plane, you know. I boarded MH370 to Beijing before. It was years ago but just the thought of it, chills me to the marrow. Before going on a trip, I have this habit of telling myself that it would be my last trip. I always prepared myself for the worst so I would say to myself "This is it" or "This could be it". It's one of my bad habit.  I also often joke that the best way to die is through a plane crash, so that you won't have to be afraid of "going" alone. That "fantasy" usually ended at the thought of being lost in the middle of the vast seas. I'm terrified of the sea.

Until now they still have no clue of what had happened to MH370. Most likely it would be a crash. But I hope it would be anything but a crash. I rather have a terrorist hijack than a crash. Even UFO kidnapping would sound much better.

I haven't try praying in years. My knees are sure rusted and I'm not sure if I still remember correctly how to do the sign of the cross, but I think I'm going to try to give one tonight. A prayer, I mean.

Last

So, I'm planning my (almost) yearly trip to Japan, apparently again. I swear this will be my last. To Japan, of course. But this time I'm gonna explore the land from head to toe. My sister will be accompanying me. I warned her that it will not be a leisure trip. Meaning, there's no room for shopping. My exact words were, "It'll be your ultimate backpacking experience".

Next year will be different, though. I'm starting to save money for the next trip but I still can't decide between Europe and Middle East. Both are equally charming, don't you think?

Say something

I'm giving up on you..

What a nice song isn't it?

Harbin Winter Vacation

Earlier this month I flew to Harbin with my sister. Why? I, myself have no idea. On a fine day, the temperature would be around -22 degree Celsius. Not that it feels less colder. There's no such thing as taking a stroll down the avenue. I can only walk for 10 minutes before rushing to any shops that I can find and pretending to be interested in the items they're selling. And you have to keep your hands (already in gloves) in your pockets all the time. Once I did the mistake of buying a souvenir and I had no choice but to hand carry it to the hotel. It was the worst 15 minutes of my life.

When you're done with the Ice & Snow Festival, you can either take the cable car or walk across the frozen Songhua river on foot. Choose the later. It's so much fun. And it's free.

 Moonwalk on Songhua river, checked!

I think the highlight of this trip is the visit to the Siberian Tiger Preserved. The picture doesn't do them justice. They are so big that if you put your arms around their belly, your fingers won't be able to meet.

The best time to visit is when the feeding time. Not because they fights for food. It's because the noises they made. It's unnerving to hear them roar and growls.

A white tiger.

 I forgot what the name of this creature is.

 This is a Liger. Lion + Tiger = Liger.

Jaguar. I don't know if that's a frozen drools or just his whiskers. But he's sure looks funny with that.

I only manage to take a few photos because as I have said before, it's a torture to take your hands out of your pockets (where it's nice and warm).

I'm suppose to keep this secret but I won't be able to move on with life so long I keep this to myself. So here it is. Ready? I didn't visit the Ice Festival. The one with colorful lights at night. I know. It's the biggest flops in the history of holiday vacation. Who missed the Eiffel Tower when they're in Paris? Who missed the Ice Festival when they go to Harbin? Apparently, I do.

Why?

Because it's freaking -35 degree Celsius in there!

2014

When I started this post the clock shows 1.11am and the date is 1/1/2014 at the bottom right corner of my laptop. What a nice coincidence.

Anyway, I know this post is long overdue. And I has been off the radar longer than I anticipated. I was caught off by the waves and sort of drifted along with it for a moment. A pleasant moment, if I may say. It was not hard to sever connections with the outside world. I terminated my tv's paid channels the moment I realized that I haven't seen the remote control for more than a month. Which was not lost, by the way. It was still where it was supposed to be. Under the coffee table. Immaculately covered in dust (cleaning is not the issue here). I guess I just lost interest in tv. Yeah, just like that. Puff.. and it's gone. Even now, I still don't have the desire to turn on the tv.

Things I've busied myself with lately. Reading. That's it. I read a lot of books. But I'm not as intellectual as you think. No. Most of the time (99.9%) I read fiction. And 98% of it was romance. I'm a woman, it's only normal to read romance novel. While we're on this topic, I want to point out that 50 Shades of Grey is definitely not my kind of cup of tea. I prefer Judith McNaught, Lisa Klepas, Linda Howard, that kind of taste. Yeah, I have a sweet tooth. But I can understand why that book intrigues most people. Just like the forbidden fruit. Or when you are told not to enter that particular room. Or to not push that button. I grew up in a house where disciplines were enforced by punishment. To go out and play before 5pm or come back after 6pm will earn you a flogging. Or fail to do your homework will also get you flogged. And so is late coming home from school, fail at tests, caught lying, fight with my brother and the list is long. Saying a vulgar word will get you a slap on the mouth, though. Let me clear one thing, even with all that, I never hated my father. He was my rock. I understand his ways. And look where it got me today. Anyway, what I'm trying to say, flogging is not fun. Pain is not fun. Degrading another human being is not cool. I miss the days where the romance book cover was anything but a man's abs.

In 2013, my goal was not to succumb to materialism. Well, I failed. I bought the new iPhone 5s. And the new iPad mini. Now, I got 2 iPads. Then I bought 2 more iPad for my mom and my niece. I spent a lot but saves only a little. So, this year is going to be different. I mean, the goal is still the same but I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to pull through until the end. Yeah, that's how excited I am about 2014.

1. I'm not going to spend even a cent on gadgets.
2. By the end of 2014, I will have 20k in my savings.
3. There will be only 2 holiday trips this year.
4. Before the year ends I'm going to weigh 30lbs lighter than I am now.

I think that covers what I want in 2014. Oh, I assure you I have no doubt of achieving it all. I did get rid most of my debts in the past year, didn't I?

Angel in disguise

A while back, when I was still a devoted church goer, I used to read the Bible like a romance novel. I'm serious. I read it thoroughly from Genesis to Revelation. But the more I read, the more questions I gathered. I had no one to discuss the bible with me. All my friends are born and bred believer. They don't have an ounce of doubt in them. So, every time I voice a question they can't answer, they would say 'Just believe' or 'Have faith". How can I just believe blindly? I mean, what is faith, anyway?

I remembered I attended a church seminar once, and a speaker named Jude said something that really strikes me to the heart. He said, "Love without experience, how can you survived?".

And here I am, dying to experience. You don't think I want to believe? You have no idea how much I want to believe. If only there's a manual to believe, I would have mastered them by now.

Eventually, over time, all those unanswered questions turn to doubts. It's easier to doubt than to wait. Here's one of the Bible passage that puzzled me for a long time.

Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Matthew 22 : 29-30

By the way, I already understand and solve the above puzzle. How? I found Brian L. Weiss book, Many Lives, Many Masters.

I'm sorry

if I made you feel uncomfortable.

A random encounter

I came upon this website while searching for an English translation of the song "Le temps des cerises". The website is called 'My Writings : A Collection of Things That I've Written Over the Years'. But what strikes me the most was the fact that who ever wrote all those poem was really, really, good. Unfortunately, there was little about the author you can learn from the blog. Here's one of her short poem;

Grand Canyon

The land and the sky were once in love
Behold the deep canyon
It is the scar from that romance


Right? And you have to read her love letters. I mean, who ever wrote like that these days?

But then, that's just my opinion. Because when I read her writings, I got that tingling feeling in my chest.

Yoga and me

I finally gave it a try.

The real one. Not the one on Wii.

Yes, I did it. And yes, I was amazing.

I did it all on my own. No teacher helping and I did not pay for any class. I just read some books and watch a few videos. It's all free. And just like that.. BAM.. there I was with my palms together, fingers pointing to the sky, right foot perched on my the side of my left knee, and of course my eyes were closed the entire time. Yes, I was so cool. But that was not what I want to write about today. Not that my 'awesome-ness' wasn't worth mentioning. I just got carried away a little bit.

Anyway, the year is about to end and I thought that it's time to put some action to some of the things I had on my 'to do list'. I got the yoga video from the internet. I downloaded it from the torrent website. Not that I'm too stingy to spend some on yoga class but I'm not just gonna dance into some class without knowing what I was getting into. The pictures might worth a thousand words but they are also often unreliable. In fact, they lie a lot. So back to the yoga video. I typed words like 'yoga', 'beginners', in the search tab. Found a few and downloaded a few. 5:30 pm at my house, I put on a sports bra and a boxer panty, cleared the living room, put the yoga video in a thumb drive and plugged it on the tv, and start watching porn.

...

....

.....

.......

..??

Yes, you got that right. Porn. I downloaded 'that yoga video' instead of the real thing. BY MISTAKE.

The problem is that there were more people seeding the x-rated stuff instead of the real yoga. And some of the video title can be very misleading. Some even appear innocent and intriguing at the same time. For instance, I downloaded a video titled 'Yoga Undressed - The Beginner Practice'. How should I know that the word 'undressed' literally means undressed? I took it as 'unveiled' or 'exposed' or 'to be discovered'. Get what I mean?

Anyway, I was home alone when I pressed play. Lucky, right? Moral of the story is, you'll never know when life's gonna throw you apples. So, always be on the look out.

The story about me being amazing at yoga, you didn't really bought that, didn't you? I can't even bend over and touch my toes. I suck at yoga.

Yoga is serious business. No kidding.

Grace Kelly

I finally finished it!

This is my Momoko doll version of Grace Kelly.  It's surprisingly easy. The most challenging part was probably when gathering materials.

So what do you think?

Do you think the Prince of Monaco would approve of this?

Mindy

Well, I'm officially addicted to The Mindy Project tv show.

Have you given it a try? If not, please do. It's so funny that I have to put this show on the top of 'How I Met Your Mother' in my favorite tv show list. Yeah, I did. Sorry, Mindy easily kicked Ted Mosby's uh..um.. 'behind'. So, here's how the new ranking look like;

1. The Big Bang Theory
2. The Mindy Project
3. How I Met Your Mother

I think one of the reason why I like the show is because you can easily relate to Mindy. It's real and it's hilariously normal. It's what you would have done but keep it a secret because it plainly embarrassing. It's the little habits that you think were unnoticed. But Mindy, she rocks it all. I tell you, it's so funny that it's hurts not to talk about it.